Ruby's Rules

Following recent events regarding “The Guy” and the end of whatever the “shit” you could call it….. Relationship/friendship/sinking ship….. I have sat down, and come up with the following rules…. Which, I am planning on presenting to the next sorrowful bastard that comes my way… And, him he does not like these “rules” he can go lump himself, along with any other jerk face…. And before anyone says ‘ruby, you are being too harsh” let me just say, im fed up now, and these rules are Mine, and Mine alone, and any Man, who is Man enough should accept them…

Right, so the plan is that if I meet someone (through whichever medium, be it family, friends, or just bumping into him at the shopping mall…. (Yeah right!) I will either have a hard-copy of these rules, or I will email/fax/post him a copy as soon as possible…. (If I feel that he is worthy of getting these rules!!!!)

Okay, so here are RUBY’S RULES ….

1) I don’t have time to waste on meaningless friendships, whereby the one party doesn’t even want to call it as such, therefore, I will not speak to any person having recently being acquainted, for longer than a period of ONE month… If the party in question is from a foreign land i.e. not JHB, than this period MAY be extended to six weeks…. But no longer…
Following the given time period, the relationship/friendship WILL be given a definite title…. And a detailed explanation of where the party foresees this “arrangement” heading!

2) If you are looking for a friend/buddy ‘ol pal… sorry, but try looking somewhere else, I do not agree to Meeting random people for the fun of extending my social circle, it’s big enough as is, with more meaningful friends…. So, following the first meet, the person will have three options (sort of like the show deal or no deal) where he will have the chance to choose… Yes, Maybe or No… if it is a Yes or Maybe from both of us, then the month rule will come into practice, but, if it’s a No from either side, that will be it, and we will part ways…
3) Within the trial month, do not expect ANY sort of physical contact. If I feel like holding your hand/kiss hello or goodbye on the cheek, I will do it, but you cannot!!!! It’s MY CALL…
4) I will only agree to meet you “secretly” for the stated period of one month. Following this, if the person in question feels that this situation is heading somewhere (besides down the drain) I would like to be informed of the direction, and the person will then be required to meet my family (all 7 members at once!) (This would be the ultimate test since my brother and brother –in-law together would scare anyone), and meet my friends immediately.
5) I would also expect to meet the person’s family at this time, so, that I am a ‘known entity”, not just some vague being!
6) I do not meet random people, so, I would like to once again, emphasize… Your intention has got to be made crystal clear….
7) If you do show an interest, I expect “lots” of attention…. I do not appreciate being ignored, and although I have never been the whiny, nag type before, I will expect at least two calls a day… with detailed description of what your day has been like…
8) If you do not show a vested interest in me, my life and my work, and you feel that your job/life is more important, then, you had better leave right now!
9) I will not be a second-best, so, if there are ANY other girls that you are seeing/considering/ chatting to/ doing a samoosa run with/ then consider this ‘over’. If you say “there is no-one’ I will take this as an admission that there IS another girl and until such time that sources (and I HAVE sources all-over) find out otherwise, I will believe that there is in fact another girl and MAY just show you the door… since I expect total honesty regarding such girls…
10) I need “my time” as well, so, in the initial stages, 1-2 times a week is all I will make time for i.e. in the allocated month, we will only meet for a max of 8 times IF both parties are interested!
11) If you are an only child, and feel that the world and I owe you for your lack of self-esteem and boring life, then I apologize, and my advise is go forth and do a “brangelina” ADOPT A SIBLING , cos I don’t give a flying f***!!!
12) If you are
25-28 yrs old, and suffering from Quarter life Crisis--- GOODBYE!
28-30 yrs old and dreading the new decade of your life and don’t know where you at --- (look under your bed) and GOODBYE
30-34 yrs old and still not sure what you want, I can’t help you, you probably going to become senile and if by now you don’t know, im sorry to be the one to tell you, that you never going to know either…. GOODBYE!
Older than 34--- sorry, that’s way over the hill, and you need not apply!!!

I will probably think of some other rules soon, and may add them on at a later stage!!! (Anyone with other rules is welcome to add them!)

Disclaimer: I know that these rules my make me seem like a jaded, crazy bitch, but it’s MY rules, so negative and snide comments will not be taken note …