The rules.. (no, its not Ruby's Rules!!)
IS there a correct protocol to follow , following a blind date?
I know, having set the world record on blind-dates, i should by now, know all the etiquette, but i somehow find myself at a lost right now... (maybe its because I'm unsure... and don't know how to proceed with this particular gentleman.. and he is turning out to be a true gentleman.. i don't mean the kind that opens doors, and fetches my coat, but he is of the genuine 'nice-guy' society, and it is scaring the shyte out of me.. I have spent the week so far trying to find a fault in him.. as in a fault that i cannot accept, and i have come up with nothing.. he is not perfect, doesn't have all the obsessive things that i have been known to look for in a person.. but, he makes me laugh, and it feels as though i haven't laughed in a really long time...
but, what is the general rule-of-thumb when it comes to nice guys???
simple things like: do i call him, or do i wait for him to continue issuing the invites? (he has do so thrice already?)
and if i am so not-sure about what i want form the 'situation' could i be blamed for leading-him on at a later stage.. i now its still in the early stages, and i may be jumping the gun, but what I have no guidelines to follow.. This is the first time, where i am just 'going with the flow'. I'm not expecting the stars, and the bells to ring in my ears when i see him (it doesn't and i don't think its going to)
anyway, coming back to my initial question, how does the whole thing work? for instance: do gentlemen feel obliged to pay even in this feminist day and age, or will he feel offended if i offer? or will he feel bad if he keeps calling me, and i don't ever call him? or will he find it strange if i call him.. i know, these are stupid questions, and i probably have to ask him, and not you guys, but i cant... just like i cant seem to ask him what it is that he wants from this whole 'situation' where does he see it going? etc... maybe i should email him Ruby's Rules and see what he says? that should scare him off pretty quickly hey?
also, Can anyone think of a cool nick for him? I can't seem to think of one right now...
14 comments:
Hi Ruby,
Firstly, without coming across as pretentious, but as a member of the nice guy brigade – CALL HIM – especially if he makes you laugh. Secondly, get rid of your rules! Admittedly the last time I dated was way back in the 90’s, and the art of courting has evolved to include Borg like techno influences like mxit, blogging, speed dating and lonely hearts websites, but it can’t be that complicated. Yeah – your rules are common sense – but I think this just complicates the process, as evidenced now by your conundrum on whether to call him or not. Anyway – seems like you met a nice guy who makes you laugh – so just call him and have a normal conversation – If he really is a nice guy his primary objective will be to make you laugh (ok maybe not primary – he is a guy after all!) - but he will make you laugh, so there’s nothing to lose by calling him. goo luck.
R
p.s. Thanks for the JBJ review – you saved me from pain (and I’ll tell my mummy not to make the trip from PE).
Honey, I'm going to steal a line from someone famous...who exactly it is, I forget...but the message remains...
"Men are easy. All a woman has to do is show-up"
Granted, I have many women showing up whom I don't necessarily want, but I'm not calling them. This guy is calling you. He likes you quite obviously, and he makes you laugh, and I know you want to laugh. We all do.
And he is a nice guy. An I'm sure he is not to bad looking. I'm also sure he has a bit of money. AND HE IS STRAIGHT. And it doesn't seem as if he is shy.
So? I'm gonna tell you what you always try to tell me...give him a chance. He makes you laugh, dear, don't you feel good around him?
Please don't do what I do. I have Seinfeldisms, and it seems you might be in danger of adopting a similar nature!
Show Up. It's ok to call him. Please call him. I can guarentee he wants you to. Maybe he doesn't want to you to talk for 10 minutes during a busy work day, but I gaurantee that a minute phonecall to say hi, that you enjoyed yourself, and you'd like to laugh again will send him over the moon.
Show Up.
SG is stressing on the show up part... lol
i agree give him a chnace, you'l never really know who he really is if u dont give it a go...
and if anything goes wrong (i hope not) we are all here for you :)
simple advice, trust your gut. Too many rules cloud reality.
Anon: as i said in my mail, thanks for the advice, im gonna give him a call later today...
Single Guy: i think we should form a singles-advice club... cos we both think that we the best.. hehehe, but, i hear you, and i understand what you saying, and yes, he is a nice guy, straight, has money, not really shy... by the way.. what are the symptoms for seinfieldism Dr?
Saf: thanks for the vote of confidence, i love you guys, and know that there is always an ear /screen to listen to me when it all ends..
KING: i dont know whta my gut is saying? so now what do i do?
btw: i will be "showing up" as Single Guy puts it, on sunday.. for lunch and a surprise.. so look-out for an update on monday !!!
Awesome you meeting him...
me thinks there never ant harm in taking things as they come...go with the flow i think the cliche is but its true just meet up and see what happens...the whole i pay you pay and over thinking will work itself out when you meet trust me (i knw i just found that out ) lol
and mwah goodluck and hopes i see you when you drop on by in dbn :D
im glad you keeping an open mind. go with the flow and second meetings always define a good direction
keep laughing
RUBY
listen to king of scotland, and ZEE.
ZEE IS ALWAYS RIGHT!
sorry..but he is when it comes to this.
:D
call the guy it's not going to hurt!
and i'm highly annoyed with blogger..i left such a long comment and it didn't save.
grrr
Nickname idea: The Nice Guy is too easy :P
How about The Gentleman :D
Ok - first off, here is MJ's response to 'Ruby's Rules' (please dont get hurt or anything - it is not my intention at all.
1 - 30 day cut off time? Sometimes it love at first sight - other times, it takes longer - sometimes months. if i had a thirty day rule, i'd prob miss out on someone special
2 - 'One shot Date'? what if you were pmsing that day, or the guy had something else on his mind - like maybe he bought an xbox earlier, and he was dying to play gears of war or something. bye bye soul mate
3 - Your call? The physical stuff needs to be mutual, and while theoretically, Five and a half dates should cover the first month well ( the half date is lunch for those who are wondering) if i see someone for the third time, and we're in a movie or something, mj will hold their hand (last time MJ made it to a third date with someone - November 2001)
4 and 5- this seems cool, no problems with this
6 - stop being redundant - your love interests might be stupid, but your readers arent - stop repeating yourself Ruby!
7 - Two Calls a day! fuck That - Countless Sms's yes, and a call every second day maybe - i say have a three day limit. remember, this is all in the first month.
8 - well - there is an error in this statement as there is this implication that you want them to show more interest in your work then theirs - Ruby my friend - I had a look at your thesis topic - No one understands the type of work you do!
9 - If MJ says there is no one, then there is no one - stop being an insecure child and trust the guy - if there is someone, and you find out, he could be lying about other things (which might explain the rashes etc)
10 - Twice a week - seems good -
11 - no faults with this
12 - wtf is a quarter life crisis? also - 34 is 9 years older than you - bit of a big gap hey
Its just my opinion on you rules - then again , you arent my type, so my objections to your rules should not be taken seriously
(and in case you hate me right now :P
Enough is enough. Ive had it with these motherfucken rules in this motherfucken dating game
Agree with MJs assessment of your rules ... but ill give in to one long call a day, rather than is 1 every second day, but remember love is all about compromise, you have to give to receive.
Seinfeldisms are basically he used to find stupid things wrong with girls. Like one episode he said the girl looks ugly/evil in the shadow. So he tried to keep under light all the time.
Good luck with your date :)
fati: as u may notice from my new post, i have taken your sugesstion and called him gentleman..
Mj: gee, are U pmsing or just having a shit week. if so, dont take it out on me, and my blog.. and like i told you, you not my type either, so i wouldnt dream of imposing my rules on you, they just MY rules, not written in stone or anything, and i dont think that they impossible, they were just written when i was given a real bad reality check-so im justified for repeating myself, to those that bothered to act like they listen... and i am def. NOT suffering from Seinfieldism... i just have high standards..
LOl mwa rubes just be lol it all sorts itself out don't overthink and go with what sems natural and easy hehe
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