your true worth... according to indians
why is it that no matter what you do, as an Indian, your worth is always measured by whether you are married and have a husband in tow? it doesn't matter that you are independent(or as independent as an Indian girl is allowed to be), educated, happy, not on the verge of committing suicide, the fact that you are 'alone', 'single' and thus, not able to do anything (like make babies, and run a household) you are just incompetent in the eyes of 'the older generation' and also the younger ppl that ARE married...
here's the story:
i was invited to a braai yesterday. The lady that arranged the braai, was a really good friend of mine, and all our friends that used to hang out together at campus (when we were all in undergrad) were invited. We were about 15 of us, and now, there are three girls, and 4 guys left i.e. not hitched yet... so, i made a dessert and went to this braai... not having seen most of them for the last three n half yrs or so.. and i was bored out of my mind... The girls from the group that got married, didn't have much else besides housework to talk about, the wives of guys from the group, didn't say much, except for one ... that was so cute and bubbly, she actually kept everyone going, and the rest of them just sat there... which made me wonder... do people change so much, that people that were once with me for days on end, people that i spent my entire uni. era with, change so much, that we no longer have anything in common.. The sad thing is, that those that have gotten married, haven't seemed to change much (person-wise) whereas us.. the single guys and gals, rocked... we happy and content with ourselves, but.. that's not how we are seen!! it just made me wonder...
then i left the very exciting braai (while everyone was playing soccer.. i don't play soccer anymore) and went to my uncle's house since we have some family over from the U.K.... and here, i met the older people, that literally, tried marrying me off in front of my eyes, to this guy that was there from London... His mother acted as though i wasn't sitting in front of her face, asking about me.And naturally, the big question was posed" so, what are you going to do next year? are you for a job? " to which , i gave my standard reply... "I'm not really sure yet, but I'm keen on continuing my research, and I went to do my PhD, and that's when my mum, shooting daggers at me... says" i don't know why she wants to study, she has been at it for so many years, its time she settles down!!!! Settles down, as if I'm running around, doing all kinds of wrong things or something, and now i need settling down... Never mind, that i have an aim, an ambition in life, to be something, other than an extension of some prick or a**hole, I must just get married, for the sake of getting married, to any piece of crap that comes to my door because no Indian girl is worth anything if she is not married... oh yeah, and the reason that I'm not married, and will "be left behind" is because I'm too fussy, and too picky and keep saying no.. So, regardless of whoever people set me up with, be it a complete jerk, and idiot, a geek, a freak of nature, regardless of whether he even knows how to spell 'biochemistry' (there was one that couldn't) i must stop being choosy... and just get married, cos its the Indian thing to do!!!
BTW, if I'm still single when I turn 26.. (which is in exactly two months time) there will be an ad. in the classifieds, stating that THIS Indian girl is hopeless in finding a life partner...
*disclaimer* I'm sorry, just had to let off some steam..!!!
7 comments:
i laughed when i read your blog . there was a certain familiarity that echoed . i completely agree that if your'e married indian woman you invited to sit wit the aunties on big table and those of us who fall in the bichari category , not even given a second thought . shame on them.
Lemme tell you a story. I'm 28 years old and in Birmingham, visiting family on a trip back from the USA. I met my parents in England and continued the rest of the trip with them.
Anyways, as tradition insists, there is the traditional gift giving by the hosts, and they all insisted on giving me something, and mostly it was money! usually a 20 pound note or something! I insisted that I was not a child that needed a gift like that, but they insisted I was, because I was not married!
I must add, these were first gen Indian Brits.
LOL!!
Oh Ruby...I wish I knew why we are only worth anything if we're married.
I'm tired of those questions and everyone trying to shove some guy onto me and I'm only 22!!
The other day my mum tried something (this guy, much older, called me and I was a bit rude). Thankfully, I have an older married, pregnant sister that shouted her :) Thank God for siblings that know how to handle parents!
So I told her, "Mum, when I'm on the market - I'll let you know. Please stop the Samoosa Run stories for now!"
I guess she's fed up since everyone is driving her nuts with the, "When is Fatima getting married?" questions.
I think she's tired of answering them, "She's still studying" and whatever new excuses she's coming up with!
i can't say much about this since:
a.) i'm not a girl, and
b.) i'm not under that kind of pressure
but i will say that it must be irritating, in that it's such a big decision - and in any big decision, you want it to be your own choice, and not have people bugging you about it.
sometimes, you need bugging (if you're unusually slow to make decisions, that is) - but generally, i think you're old enough to make your own decisions, without any pressure or time limits that are cultural - and not necessarily what's best for you at the time.
speaking of "fussy" and "picky", though, so what exactly are your criteria, assuming that - amongst the "jerks, idiots, etc" - there are some decent ones in the mix?
anon1: its funny how we might think we 'bicharis' but everyone else does...
SG: thats a funny story... my best friend still gets 'eidie' from her grand-uncle, cos she is the only one that is single in the family.. it irks the life out of her, but he insists on doing it...
Fatima: having sisters does help, but there is only so much they can do... my sis tries helping me, and when we were sitting there and the aunt from UK kept going on, we both cracked up laughing... as for our worth? i guess we will never know how to put an end to the stigma of being a spinster!
Dreamlife: i dont really fit into the category of being undecisive or anything, but i Am fussy, and to answer ur Q, i dont know what im looking for, i think when i find it, I will know! (hope that answers the question... (and there werent any decent, decent ones it the masala mix thus far!
o I so agree with this, it's like nothing else matters to the Indian mind. No matter how great you are otherwise, it always boils down to find a man...breed...cook and clean up after him. bleh it's such utter nonsense. And when they throw the "it's half your imaan" thing around, that's when I wanna scream, cos Islam doesn't say marry anything with 2 legs just for the sake of it.
Bleh.
Nice one Ruby. Good luck with the PhD
Its like a broken record.wot i cant stand is that ppl then assume we must b having secret bf's who wont commit to marriage,etc. My elder sis is 27,me 25,2 younger sis 24 and 22.imagine the grief we get! this past wk,3 ppl hav phnd my mum to bring boys over.im not against that per say,but i find it insulting that 2 havnt studied. I find tho that the married ppl r just unsatisfied they cldnt live their dreams a lil,n r now tied down. Naturally,ppl wil talk bout wot is their life nw.i tink marriage dsnt change ppl-it just extends their natural tendencies
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